Tech Support True Stories

The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman 
then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good 
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, 
and his is working fine." 
 
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Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" 
 
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and 
she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?" 
 
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Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the 
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. 
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." * 
 
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." 
 
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." 
 
Customer: "What do you mean?" 
 
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." 
 
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!" 
 
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Overheard in a computer shop: 
 
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." 
 
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." 
 
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" 
 
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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document 
back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to 
keep it. 
 
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Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?" 
 
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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go 
something like this: 
 
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?" 
 
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Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable 
to "The Internet." 
 
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Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" 
 
Tech Support: "Yeah." 
 
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" 
 
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah." 
 
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Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon." 
 
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows-because of the 
icons-I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." 
 
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it 
was meant to-" 

Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't 
believe in icons." 
 
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' 
of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' ok?" 
 
Customer: [click] 
 
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Customer: "My computer crashed!" 
 
Tech Support: "It crashed?" 
 
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." 
 
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." 
 
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed." 
 
Tech Support: "Huh?" 
 
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. 
Now it doesn't work." 
 
Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed 
his spaceship. 
 
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" 
 
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"