YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF:

- you're too drunk to fish
- when your home is mobile but your car isn't
- you stare at a can of orange juice for hours because it says "concentrate." 
- you helped take the wheels off your mother's new house
- you think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre
- you consider a six pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment
- less than half the cars you own run
- directions to your house include "..turn off the paved road.."
- your family tree doesn't fork
- your brother-in-law is also your uncle
- your mother was in a fist fight at a high school football game
- your dog and your wallet are both on a chain
- the rear tires on your car are twice as large as the front
- you've lost a tooth opening a beer bottle
- Red Man tobacco sends you a Christmas card
- your mother keeps a spit cup on her ironing board
- you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding
- you think Campho Penique is a miracle drug
- you have more than two brothers named Junior or Bubba
- you have a rag for a gas cap
- you had a toothpick in your mouth in your wedding pictures
- you have more than one kitchen appliance on your front porch
- your wife weighs more than your pickup
- you bathe less than once a week
- you have trouble spelling your last name
- your pickup still has an 8 track player in the dash
- your idea of classical music is Boxcar Willie
- you think moon pies and beef jerky are two of the major food groups