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Regarding Dirty Politics
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The ship of state would be better off if there weren't so many pirates on board.

If you think the Cold War is over, just wait until you see appliance manufacturers battling it out to sell new refrigerators to Eastern Europe.

If you're really seeking higher office, become a lighthouse keeper.

The whole country's jumping out of the frying pan and into the microwave.

Bullfighter:  congressional watchdog.

It's not surprising to see so many politicians standing on their heads to get votes...it's the only way to put your foot down if it's in your mouth.

Steamy novel:  one that's full of hot air and fiction...like the memoirs of a politician.

Those guys at the Pentagon are just like school kids...all they want is a little launch money.

Lesson to dictators:  into every life some reign must fall.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time...but politicians are satisfied with fifty-one percent.

When politicians see the writing on the wall, they whitewash it.

There are plenty of UFOs in Washington:  unprincipled federal officials.

Congress passes plenty of laws that have teeth to them...the problem is, they're dentures.

If this country is going to the dogs, at least this administration will make sure it's the right pedigree.

What have peopl got against video dating?  After all, it's the same way we pick our presidents.

IRS:  income removal service.

Life is largely semantics.  For example, bank robbers steal money, politicians appropriate it.

Government should take more interest in exploring space...particularly between politicians' ears.

A politician is someone who shows you a mirage in the desert and then tries to sell you a drinking cup.

Be kind to our friends the birds.  after all, they're on a brain-exchange program with many of our top government officials.

We don't mind a politician with his hand in the cookie jar once in a while...but we draw the line when he takes all the dough and gets a kickback from the jar manufacturer.

In politics, the issue is not so much what the candidate stands for as what the voters will fall for.

Political entomology:  the study of bugging politicians' offices.

Air bags in cars:  when politicians drive.

Washington plastic surgeons offer a two-for-one price for face-lifts to politicians...makes it economical for those who are two-faced.

If we're going to elect actors to political office, don't you think we should get ones who can remember their lines?

Paying taxes to the government is feeding the hand that bites you.

He who laughs last just got the government contract for thousand-dollar toilet seats.

The cannibals know how to treat their heads of state.  They let them remain heads, but that's all.

When candidates are discovered in romantic trysts, it's known as skirting the issue.

Congressmen feel obligated to work for the greatest number...usually no less than five figures.

Conservative:  someone with both feet planted firmly in cement.

Vice-president:  the lesser of two evils.

Presidential elections always get down to the character issue:  which candidate is the biggest character.

Since nothing's sure but death and taxes, Congress has decided to put a tax on dying.

Our politicians know how to run the government.  The problem is the ground 
they're running it into.

In a recent popularity poll, politicians scored slightly below airline chefs.

Dirty politics:  a redundancy.

If pro is the opposit of con, then progress is the opposite of congress.

Political speech:  when all is said and dumb.

I don't want to say the televised Senate sessions are boring, but most folks would prefer watching a PBS special on the garden slug.

Political campaign:  when candidates air each other's dirty laundry and try to avoid static cling.

Somebody should tell our politicians that having a swelled head is not the same thing as being broad-minded.

Presidential staff:  the big stick they carry when they talk softly.

It's great the way Congress handles the federal budget.  It's like writing a check and having the bank bounce.

Entitlement programs:  the money we give the government to give back to us, after handling charges.

Progressive:  someone who wants things to stay exactly the same in innovative, exciting ways.

The breakup of the Soviet Union sure helped one segment of the economy:  mapmakers.

At least George Washington didn't blame his troubles on the previous administration.

The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for office.

Wouldn't it be great if politicians could get as much mileage out of our tax dollars as they do from an alphabet with only twenty-six letters?

No wonder presidents don't understand our economic woes:  they get to veto their bills.